I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
