I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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