it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
