Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
