Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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