Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
