I wish I only lived at night.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
