So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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