Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
