recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
