And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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