Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
