Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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