Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
