I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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