Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
