I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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