Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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