So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
