shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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