Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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