i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Let's get the cat blown out
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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