i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
