Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
