Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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