lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
