too bad you live with your parents still
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
