He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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