First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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