how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Let's get the cat blown out
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
