Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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