so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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