so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
