Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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