Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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