I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
