Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he puts the penis in happiness.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
