Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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