I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
