well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i out mim tonsoeep
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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