It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
