it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
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you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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