Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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