they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
