Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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