I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
