"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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