16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
