I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
