i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
