just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
