I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
