I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
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I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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