I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
