I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
