I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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