He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize