I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Operation Purity has been aborted
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I believe in your delicious
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