Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
