apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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