He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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