this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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