Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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