I just cut my nipple shaving
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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