Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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