I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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