One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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