ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
